Rusty Nails

The harsh black tea tasted of rusty nails. Aunty Polly was the kindest most generous woman blessed with heart and warmth of spirit that would have made her a sister to Mother Teresa. But her tea was awful. It was boiled so many times over that the tea leaves were reduced to a slimy pulp. It was the habit of Chatsworth people to have tea at the ready. One never entered a home simply to pass through. Whatever the time of time or day you were offered a cup of tea and a meal. You ate whatever was offered. Polite refusals were brushed aside as the hosted literally forced it down your throat. Aunty Polly was consumed by a bottomless poverty. From having been dispossessed of her family's land and farm and relocated after marriage from the Magazine Barracks her life steadily got more impoverished year on year. That didn't  stop her warming up the rice in a battered aluminium pot and frying you an egg. It was a meal to rival a Michelin chef.  The tea however was something to quickly swallow or toss into the potted plant when she was not looking.

Big Luck Gravy Soakers

I pretend to know a lot about wine. Winemakers. Estates. Fine vintages. You could say I have an educated palate. My medical condition not withstanding. I know my Cape from my South of France to the New World. I keep successive editions of the Platters and salivate over the uber connoisseur Yegas Naidoo. But that's just snobbery. I have been deceived by Odd Bins and Château de Box, even the kraaitjie papsak.  Not so with potatoes. Being a native of my beloved Chatsworth I consider myself the Britannica of the humble tuber. I know my Cape Douglas from my UTD. I know my Big Lucks, my Gravy Soakers and my Melting Moments. No mutton, live fowl or cornish curry is complete without just the right potatoes. It must be soft and soaked right through. Hard potatoes or water potatoes will perish a cook's reputation forever. Forget the harm to reputation. The fella that sold the potatoes in Bangladesh or the early morning market in town will be in for a really good hiding. It's not unlikely that the cook will carry the rest of the offending pocket back to the market and throw it right back at him. That's no mean feat carrying the pocket back to the market. Once the pockets were 15kg in a tough brown paper bag. If you were shy on wrapping paper for school books you could use the unprinted inner layer. The Chatsworth dagga merchants still use the inner for wrapping their kaitjies.  Nowadays the pockets have slinked down to 10kg and more commonly 7kg. Even so, marketing the potatoes is aggressive business with vendors shouting prices and purported qualities at the top of their voices. Interest in a pocket will likely have the vendor snappily tip the pocket into a huge plastic dish.  In a glance the buyer could gauge the quality right through and confirm that no rotten potatoes lie hidden in the bag. A "taste and buy" principle applies to most items in the market.  Not uncommon to walk past a display of grapes at a stall and pop a few in the mouth. Vendors often peel a naartjie and offer segments or slice pieces of ripe mango. Admittedly it is more difficult with raw potatoes. My friend of forty odd years Neville does his mother's weekly shopping at Bangladesh. I will have to find out the latest on potato buying techniques. One thing for sure though - like Ken's Mercedes buying habits you don't change brands midway. If it's Cape Douglas it's Cape Douglas all the way. Even a blind man can tell one cook's curry from another through the texture of the potatoes and the taste of the gravy. I have become quite partial to Sam's cornish.  I have resisted a glass of wine to go with the cornish. On account on my medical condition, you understand.

The baked beans chow

It's Ken's birthday. August 23. He shares it with my niece Cherne who turns 21. More about her later. Ken is a towering personality. Since the early eighties he has been our  undisputed leader.  Our being the drainrats styled as the Glenover Class of 85.  Quite how he succeeded in that feat I cannot quite fathom. Suffice to use Veena's eloquent Unit 3 adage, "Park dom, live long."  Ken has always played dom. Parked in the shadows. Concealed under that veneer is a Minora sharp wit. Minora being the blade we had our first shaves with in our native Chatsworth. In Budgie's case half a shave because he was interrupted. I'll have to tell that story another time.  On the phone to Maggie in Bangkok last night Ken was uppermost in our conversation. We marvelled at just how clever he was.  In both Ken and my books, Maggie is something of an aristocrat. Her opinion matters, on every subject. We agree that she is the most most accomplished woman we know yet as simple as a garden twig. Maggie set up a WhatsApp group for our little club. The exchanges are raucous. No one is spared. I don't want to give too much away. Ken might yet craft that into a bestseller. I am his publicist so be assured it will fly off the shelves. The last five days were dedicated to a countdown to Ken's birthday.  The loop was Hong Kong, Melbourne, Kyoto, Bangkok, Durban and Jozi. I kid you not. Once Chatsworth was our universe. Now the whole world is our oyster. Veena will get that one. She's a clever girl too. Reduces the complexities of the world to song lyrics. Ken even made a video a few minutes to midnight bowing to his friends. That video went viral. Well Ken is a migrant. He moved from Glenover High School  7D to 8A. That would be 1983. 8A was the premier league.  Ken came with Theron.  Theron was one of the three kulumanses. Since Sam is a social science professor and a Scrabble master she can unpack that in a Chatsworth dictionary. From that moment Ken became our leader. He introduced us into the bowels of Bangladesh. It's drugs, it's gangs,  it's women, the generosity of its heart and spirit. He watched over us steering us away from the roughest stuff and letting everyone know that we enjoyed his personal protection. Our base was Ken's flat. Block 31 Bangladesh.  Well the flat actually belonged to his aunt Loretta and her husband Rogers.  While they were out at work or away we had the run of the place. Drinking, fornicating and cooking. It's the cooking that is my best memory. Ken cooked the best baked beans chow in the world. Our daily routine was hustling a few bobs wherever we could for the chow. Elaine was a frequent contributor to the fund and whenever we were short we could tap Pam.  Ken had a way with his fundraising. He could charm the panties off a nun. We bought the can of baked beans  from Narsais,  Ismails or Shaiks in the unit 3 shopping centre. Along with half a loaf of bread we had all the ingredients for a good chow. If the funds were more we made it two cans and a whole  loaf. If the hungry (hongeras) were greater in number than the funds then Ken just added more of Loretta 's  tomatoes to the brew.  If we managed to tap Thavan then we got him to buy baked beans with Viennas. Coupled with Loretta's curry powder,  the baked beans bunny was Michelin star  stuff. Good enough to scoop off the floor. Ken will remember that. Better still if we had a dop and hilarious when we could get Babyface Clive drunk. We never succeeded in teaching Neville to drink. Now Ken is a good cook. Not as good as Manogaree but he is sharp. He can rustle a solid chow in minutes.  In every other matter he is deliberate and slow.  The handsome Moodley twins Mutt and Jeff, Trevor and Ravi christened him Speedy alternatively known as Sputnik .  The twins are not to be confused with the handsomest of the crew Seelan who was going to be the designated driver of the fast Datsun, Ken bought to take us to the matric dance. That car never made it out of the pit stop. Nowadays Ken owns  a Mercedes Benz E  class!  He might be sharp but he is still slow. Which brings me back to my niece Cherne.  In  few weeks she will leave to train with the Russian Air  Force as a commissioned officer of the South African Air Force . Extraordinary at 21! Brings tears to my eyes as we are Chatsworth people scaling the the tallest frontiers.   No doubt she will be flying from one of the bases that launched Sputnik and flying some of the world fastest fighter jets.. Happy birthday to them both.

Grandmother

I brim with pride
I brim with anger
This has been no easy ride
Ever present is the danger
That we will turn on each other
Rather than to one another
Ready we must
To build a nation robust
My grandmothers
And theirs
Were forced to the soil
Not the soil of their mothers to toil
But the land the gallant Zulu reign
Usurped by the Teutonic queen vain
Indenture in name
Shamesless slavery in popular refrain
Profit they did
Englishmen,  Scotsmen, Welshmen sordid
Trafficking in human cargo
Nary a thought for the devastation below
Below deck on slaveships they wept
From ancient ancestral villages swept
From Madras,  Veloor,  Bihar and Kanyakumari
Ripped, hungry,  sweating and weary
To the land of iLembe they were made hurry
To turn green to gold under whips and ropes scary
To sugarcane, tea, coffee, coalmines, railways and domestic service
Went potters, poets, scholars, jewellers, landowners, gravediggers and sex workers
The punters in London and Glasgow rolled in glee
Imaliyavuza!
My grandmothers
Are long gone
Their memory I honour
I brim with pride
I brim with anger
But my energies I must direct
To the nation we must build with no refrain
Or 154 years would have been in vain.

My roots are here

My roots are here*

Kiru Naidoo

My roots are here

Deep in African soil

It’s a story I tell

Tell to myself

Tell to my children

Tell to theirs

It’s a question I am asked

Asked sometimes, asked often

A question I don’t mind

That I can answer with my chest filled with pride

My roots are here

Deep in African soil

Does a leopard have to confirm its spots?

I don’t know any leopards to ask

But ask me and I will tell you

I am an African

My roots are here

Deep in African soil

A question I don’t mind

That I can answer with my chest filled with pride

Don’t TELL me I am an Indian!

Your’s is no right to give an answer

Or a tag or a label or to assume or to taunt

I am because of Phyllis Naidoo, of Archie Gumede, of Albertina Sisulu, of Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela

I am because of Helen Joseph, of Dorothy Nyembe, of Billy Nair, of Marimuthu Pregalathan Naicker

I am because of Joe Slovo, of Albert Christopher, of Walter Sisulu, of Nomzamo Winnifred Mandela

I am because of Dulcie September, of OR Tambo, of Monty Naicker, of Ahmed Mohammed Kathrada

I am of many more and their uncompromising non-racialism

Lest you think there was only one GPS to South African freedom

I am also because of Steve Biko, of Sonny Venkatrathnam, of Robert Mangaliso Sobukwe

My roots are here

Deep in African soil

I am of many more and their uncompromising non-racialism

We proudly claim twenty years of freedom

We are because of them

My roots are here

Deep in African soil

Mayibuye, iAfrika!

*Inspired by Omeshnie Naidoo’s words, “my roots are here”.

Vadas rule the roost

Vadas rule the roost


Kiru Naidoo

(Published in the Sunday Times Extra - Johannesburg, 24 November 2013)


Hot out the oil, golden crisp and crunchy. The real treat of the afternoon “flesh” prayers was my granny’s vadas. Speckled with red and green chillies, she deep-fried them in a wok-type cast iron kadai. The cooking ritual is etched in my memory and the pride of my lineage. 

My paternal grandmother, Kanniamma Govindarajulu, was a matriarch of silent majesty. Barely four feet ten and of the same navy blue complexion she bequeathed me, she rarely let anyone near the kadai. Her sari hitched and gathered between her thighs, she sat on her haunches over the leaping fire in our  Chatsworth backyard. 

In one hand she held a little square of banana leaf. In the other she balled the pungent wet mixture of stoneground dried peas, onions, chillies, coriander, cumin and a host of other spices. 

Everything was hand ground on a block of heirloom granite, the revered ammikal. The  spicy ball was slapped onto the banana leaf to be flattened into a plump little disc. The final flourish

was sticking her ring finger into the centre to poke a hole right through. The delicate formation was  then slid off the banana leaf into the crackling oil. As half dozen batches cooked they were theatrically scooped out with an enamel sieve-type ladle to form a growing mountain in a dish
alongside. 

Not even the favoured grandchildren were allowed to touch until the vada had been offered to the Goddess in the afternoon prayers. The morning ritual was the “pouring” of the sour porridge along with vegetable curries to honour the Mother Goddess who had rescued the faithful from a smallpox plague. 

The prancing roosters we slaughtered as offerings to the Mother were cooked for hours on open fires for the afternoon feast. The vada however occupied centre stage.

The crispiness outside gave way to a moist core bursting with a spicy, nutty, salty sensational crumbliness that overwhelmed the eager mouth. The matter of the hole still stokes fiery debate.

Some put it down to religious, ethnic or even sexual symbolism. (The hole is distinguished from other clans who use a three closed fingers indentation similar to the forehead ash markings of Saivites.) 

In my unlettered granny’s greater wisdom I suspect that it served only to cook the vada right through like the hole in a doughnut. 

The one mannerism where the Govindarajulu bloodline easily stands out is that the vada is eaten pressed by thumb and two fingers against a fried globe of sweet flour paste we call oorinda or to use my mother’s tongue, goolgoola. It’s our version of the sweet and sour. 

The vada also appears on other occasions like Purtassi, Kavady, when we pay homage to our ancestors and sometimes even Deepavali. Now and then it is doled out on cold winter afternoons with piping hot tea. Compliments have always poured in for my granny’s vadas.

The Govindarajulu’s freely share the recipe - minus a few ingredients of course.


Granny’s recipe from my sister, Ravathy Naidoo’s recollection (the five year old in the middle of the picture)

1kg dried split pea dhal soaked overnight

1 bunch dhania (chopped)

5 green chillies (finely chopped)

5 red chillies (finely chopped)

1 bunch spring onions (finely chopped)

2 onions (finely chopped)

2 tablespoons salt

1 tablespoon jeera

Sunflower oil


Method

Grind dhal on a stone to a rough pulp. (A food processor will do but it won’t make for a good story!) Fold the rest of the ingredients into the dhal and grind further without getting the mixture too fine. Extract in golf ball sizes and pat into a small disc on a square of banana leaf. Fry in batches in deep, moderately hot oil until golden brown and crisp. For best results use a cast iron kadai and open fire. Serve hot on a platter lined with paper towel. Quantity obtained depends on the temperament and generosity of the cook. Recommendation to serve with goolgoolas for which a vetkoek recipe should do the trick. Mainstay optional.

White Peter and the Mariannhill tumblers

Dialling the Life of Kiru
Kiru Naidoo

BlackBerry is an absolute pain. I remember being thrilled with them a decade ago.

I once commended one to a higher up who could barely get their podgy fingers to punch the numbers. In the years since, I have relished and reviled them. They have just not kept pace with the competition nor kept their house tidy. These viruses that pop up are infuriating and as for that clock dial!

I was at dinner with a Frenchman the other evening on a rather posh North Coast estate. You know the type that talk with their hands and eat salad with their fingers. He threatened to throw both his Blackberries into the braai. They had gone down on him twice the same day and not at a good time either.

I don't know what I am still doing with this Rosetta stone of communications. The seduction of the new generation Samsungs is hollering at me. That would take me to the top end with telephones again.

Reminds me of forty years ago in Durban’s Chatsworth township when my home had the only telephone for miles. It was one of those Bakerlite monstrosities in ebony with a cup for a mouthpiece and an enormous dial that double-clicked endlessly.

It was an advance on the ones where you picked up the handset and someone on the other side said "Nommer asseblief?" before they listened in for onward transmission to all the neighbourhood.

I also remember the tickey box at the "Off the Hook" fish and chips shop in my neighbourhood Westcliff Shopping Centre. A shiny 5c coin could connect one to Timbouctou. You notice I write it in the pompous French way in deference to my swish French teacher, Madame Ooh la la. I adored her style but I wonder why we never noticed her breaking the academic boycott of apartheid. That will go down as one of the mysteries of my political universe.

Phoneless Chatsworth folks would give our number 436351 to all their friends, relatives or indeed anyone they wanted to impress. When a call came the party would be asked to hold while the handset was gently placed on the white doily. We even had a special imbuia telephone stand. The next twenty minutes or so was straight out of Monty Python. (Life of Kiru, geddit?)

Someone from my household will shout next door that there was a call for so and so. And so the message ran from attached neighbour to kitchen door neighbour to front house to back house to opposite neighbour to corner house to top house. Soon the whole neighbourhood knew that so and so had a phone call. Getting the message to so and so became everyone's priority.  If so and so was not at home they could be frog-marched even from miles away to take the call. The bush telegraph worked brilliantly.

The ritual didn't end at getting the message to so and so that a call was waiting for them. So and so once reached would start running on the spot catching her breath for a few moments at the kindergarten, Moon Roy's spaza and shebeen, GP Naidoo’s manicured bourganvilla hedge, Cavendish School Gate, Rent Office Ganas’s broken down vintage on bricks, Ken's shebeen, Number Ten Aunty’s Gate, Salim Moosa's palm tree, Corky's shebeen and Fathy Aunty’s to announce that they had a phone call.  

Eventually breathless, so and so would make it to the sitting room of House 51 Road 320.  After exchanging prolonged pleasantries and offering thanks to the householders so and so would eventually shout "Hallo" in that lilted Indian-accented English now instantly recognisable from Vancouver to Sandton Square. One had to speak louder for long distance calls because the caller was far away.

An audience would soon gather at the kitchen stable door and at the tin post box at the top of the stairs. All expectant that something juicy was in the offing. Had Lucky Boy sent to bible school in Cape Town found a new love somewhere between the pages of the Old and New Testaments?  Was Kantha and her brood coming by steam train from the Amatikulu sugar barracks for a short visit for Christmas, New Year and then hanging around for three months after?

Was it George Annamalay's second wife saying they will be coming Sunday lunchtime bringing the eldest daughter's arangetram dance invitation that will be at SCIFIDA Hall at 3pm on the Sunday after Purtassi ends with chicken breyani supper served immediately afterwards and so and so and family must come because Carnatic singer Sunny Pillay and his sons were performing?  With the cost of phone calls being what they were you had to say as much as possible as fast as possible with scant regard for commas or even a pause for breath.

Had Monica’s twins run away again to go stay with their alcoholic father in Merebank where they will get wheezing from all the pollution from the oil refinery and that so and so should send her policeman husband to have a word with the alcoholic father to send the children back?

Was it to say that Subatri had sent a telegram to say that she reached Kanyakumari in the deep south of India safely and that she was writing her name in Tamil on a conch shell right from where the two oceans meet and that granny must keep a special place in the Philips radio display cabinet for it?  Just what did that long telegram cost?  Was cat-eyes Kessie’s father discharged from King Edward VIII Hospital after they amputated his left leg above the knee and did the Joburg nurses frighten him enough to take his diabetes tablets?  

Did silent night Mukesh get registered in the Mariannhill magistrate’s office to Miriam, his Zulu sweetheart since pre-school because his father said he was going to take him out of the will and boot him out on his arse if he didn’t marry his Hindu first cousin?

Did the dagga rooker Morgan eventually plaster and paint the Unit 3 house with the money he saved in Bommie’s (stokvel) lottery?  

Was Benjamin, the security branch monster harassing Shanthi again about hiding Robben Island people in the back room of the Silverglen house and will so and so keep the politicals for a few days without telling anybody? Did Pastor JF Rowlands really have tea at Radha Akka’s house to tell her all about his India trips and did she really take out the new Johnson Brothers china wedding set with the gold trim? 

Was so and so aware that they were taking disability grant applications at the Indian Affairs Department in Unit 5 and that the closing date was next Friday and that she must take the parents’ and grandparents’ ID cards and an affidavit which she can do in the charge office at the Bayview Police Station? 

Did so and so know that White Peter re-classified his light-skinned son with the curly hair from Indian into Coloured so that he could get an apprenticeship at Sasol and that the personnel office from Secunda sent a postal order for him to buy the 3^rd class train ticket to come for the trade test?  

Was Zaiboonisha’s daughter pregnant by the taxi man’s son because it was very suspicious that the family took the child out of Summit Government-Aided Primary School when she was getting double promotion and sent her to stay with the coalmine people in Glencoe?

Salacious stories aside, often it was just the receptionist from Dr Bux saying that the blood test results arrived or Clerk Siva from Tollman Brothers, the furniture shop on West Street to say come pick up the certificate of good payment and the four glass tumblers Christmas present.

And so it came to pass that so and so eventually rang off. The news content of the call with a few embellishments, curses or both was carried back the same animated route. Those were the days long before Radio Lotus, SABC2 or a subscription to the The Witness. 

Calls were not only received. People would also come to ring people in centres near and far. So and so would just pop their head over the kitchen stable door and ask to use the phone. A nod from my mother was enough consent. So and so would do their business. When done, a silver coin was silently left on the doily. Olde worlde courtesy.

Nowadays when your BlackBerry is borrowed for a quick call they even scroll through your pictures and bbms.